Looking for a Hotplate in WalMart
After I split up with
my second wife, I moved to Boston to work and go to graduate school
at Harvard. For a while,
I still used a part of my house in Amsterdam (NY) when I came
back to visit my kids. The kitchen was
not one of the parts I was able to use. For this reason I set
out to purchase an electric hotplate so I would still be able
to cook meals on those weekend visits. I went to the local WalMart
and scanned the shelves for an appropriate hotplate. It was there
in front of my eyes, but I didn't see it right away. Much to my
surprise, as I was walking and searching, a wave of strong emotion
came over me. It wasn't sadness exactly, and it certainly wasn't
joy. In fact, I can't really tell you what the emotion was, only
that it was really strong. I stopped in the isle, fighting back
tears. I'm not really an overly-emotional kinda guy and I certainly
don't generally get choked up over buying kitchen appliances.
I tried to think why I would be having these feelings. All at
once it came to me, a rush of memories about hotplates and my
father.
My father always had a hotplate in the barber
shop where he worked (and spent most of his time). He would cook
most of his meals there and ate them separately from the rest
of the family (myself, my mother and my
brother). Only Sunday meals were eaten
as a family - usually a tense meal that my father prepared. As
I started to think of these things, the depth of my feelings became
understandable, at least to me. As I get older, I sometimes see
and feel myself becoming more like my dad. Was this another example?
No - I told myself, the hotplate was a symbol
of my father's separation from us while I was buying one so I
could spend time with my children. I thought of decisions I had
made, partly because of the way my family was growing up. So strong
was my experience as a child that when I felt myself repeating
the same pattern as my parents I decided that anything would be
better. I wanted to show my children a loving relationship. Was
it the "right" decision? I thought that it was with
my second marriage - I guess things don't always work out the
way you want. I doesn't stop me from trying, though. The hotplate
worked quite well for the brief time that we used the house for
weekend visits and now sits in storage.
Copyright 1999.
Any and all photographs and text on this page are the copyright
property of Randall Collura and may not be used for any purpose
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